I AM A PROMISE

This weekend I attended my nephew’s birthday celebration, as he brought in his 5th year of life. Paw Patrol, Bubble Guppies & Santiago of the Seas were all top of the list as standout toys. Then it occurred to me, mix it up, perhaps things to engage more than just his sense of touch. I exited the tactile arena with a Paw Patrol truck and began my children’s book search as a birthday gift supplement. His dedication to his bedtime ritual of having 2 books read to him in a very psychoanalytic style inspired the choice of adding books as a birthday gift (the person reading to him sits in a rocking chair slightly behind the head of his bed and off to the side, mirroring an analytic session using the couch lol). I figured his folxs may be tired of the Berenstain Bears and old school fairy tales so I jazzed up the selection. I share all this to say, the only books I have read since June 2021 are the 5 pictured above plus an additional 3 books that didn’t make the cut. The variety was purposeful. “Marsha Goes to Haiti” meant to engage his imagination concerning the land of his ancestors. “Read to Your Bunny” meant to be a quick read especially on those evenings when he bargains to be read 3 books instead of 2. “Bel Peyi Mwen”, a coloring book as a daytime activity that his parents can read aloud while he colors through the pages highlighting positive aspects of Haiti. “I Want To Ride the Tap Tap”, another book towards encouraging pride and curiosity in his Haitian ethnicity. “I Am A Promise” by the ‘sub 11 Queen’ SFP aka #mommyrocket aka #pocketrocket, Olympic medalist and World Champion Shelly-Ann Fraser-Pryce. I selected that book towards encouraging curiosity and appreciation for other Caribbean countries and primarily because I’m a big fan of Shelly. Perhaps by the end of the month he will be too. Now I can jump into aspects of her children’s book, or any of the other 4 books that were selected, but on this beautiful full moon evening I’ll stick to highlighting my appreciation of Shelly; her book stood out against the rest.

The fandom is primarily connected to her philanthropy, civic engagement and humbleness, truly making her a champion in my book. Authoring a children’s book put the cherry on top of what has become 13 years of service. Of course she has a bunch of medals, a bunch of world titles, and has won a bunch of 100m and 200m races in a sport that proposes that a woman’s peak performance is at the age of 30. Really…. 30?! What a wild assumption! Let me bring you into the whirlpool of Shelly’s legacy:

• She birthed her son via c-section then won the next World Championship in the 100m *video clip below

• 1st Caribbean woman to win a 100m Olympic gold medal (2008 Beijing)

• Built and now operates a resource centre in her original poverty-stricken home community, across the street from the church that she grew up attending

• Funds 6 new scholarships each school year for student-athletes in financial need, which they are able to retain until graduation from secondary school

• Is the original idol of the current fastest woman in the world, fellow Jamaican track star Elaine Thomas-Herah (now her greatest competitor)

• Organizes and funds a yearly “Six-a-Side” futbol tournament towards promoting peace and alternatives to violence in her original home community

• Created job opportunities in her community pertaining to her entrepreneurial endeavors in both the hair and food industries with her businesses Shellys Shop, Chic Hair Ja, and Lady Shelly Beauty

• Coordinates an annual Christmas Drive and Christmas Event to provide gifts to children in her original home community

Also, LOVE the fact that she expresses how she feels internally through the external expression of wigs and at times decorations on her crown such as sunflowers and hair bows. Do you know how hard it is to sprint in a wig in tropical heat?! Lol loved the book, would recommend as a gift to any child 10 and under.

Despite the violence, turmoil, corruption and poverty in her community she managed to not only rise to fame and fortune, but to then turn her platform into one of hope and inspiration to her fellow country members in both concrete and meta ways. I aspire towards similar civic engagement and philanthropic activities towards the advancement of Haiti, not by running 10.6 in a 100m race (3rd fastest time in history btw), but through other measures. Thank you Shelly for inspiring that hope. And a special shout out to Friends of Maissade for all of the medical assistance provided in Maissade Haiti during this global pandemic.

Zami: A New Spelling of My Name

#HappyPride!

Today marks the close of June. A month I adore not only as an identified Gemini, but also as a self professed lover of summer months. The feeling of sweat trickling across my skin, due to temperature, not physical exertion, is a feeling I invite in. The overwhelming feeling of crowdedness at my local beach, while bodies pack in close to the polluted waters of Brooklyn. The crackle of fireworks startling me while I “Netflix and chill”. June July and August are so good to me.

I just wrapped up my summer reading list, a bit early, and this biomythography by Audre Lorde was the only “repeater” within the 4 book spread. Absolutely delicious. Audre is the only writer who I have seen quoted more often than James Baldwin in the signatures of fellow psychotherapist’s lol. I can babble about the content of this literary work but I’d prefer to leave that to the imagination, read this book if you haven’t already. Yet, I will share the thought that came to mind when deciding to pay homage to this Queen during this specific month…. Pride month. Had she lived during this era, how do you imagine Audre would have expressed herself concerning the relevance and presence of social media, as an activist writer lesbian poet mother lover Black ciswoman teacher feminist?

That brings to mind a meme sent by a close non-psychotherapist friend, who asked my advice after attempting to add her therapist on Instagram. The surprise of my homegirl, in her words, that she gave me permission to share; “I have 650K followers Shari and she declined my friend request! What’s the big deal, my account is public she told me she would prefer I put everything into words. How can she truly know me without seeing me on there?! You therapist can be really fucking uptight, what’s the big deal?!” We went and got Cold Stone ice cream that evening to quiet the temper tantrum as I explained that every therapist works differently. Similarly to writers, each has a vastly different way of communicating with their audience, some stay within a structure while others veer off the road. I then slapped her with an Audre Lorde quote:

“It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences”

I highly doubt those words registered lol and on that note, here’s the meme:

Ugly Feelings

My tween niece recently gave me a tutorial of TikTok, Snapchat, Facebook, monetized Instagram and good ole Twitter. She dubbed the lesson “Social Media 101 for Dummies”. I was grateful for the undivided attention, patience and access. At the end of the thorough lesson she asked me if I’d like to be featured on her IG account to boost my followers. She was utterly baffled when I said “no thanks I’d like to keep my account private, for personal use only”. She gave me a revolted look and in a curt tone stated “Auntie that’s dumb, you’re using it wrong”. I had forgotten how sharp tweens can be. She might as well have told me to take up a part-time job. Not an ounce of desire stirred in me as she reviewed some of the “notes” from our lesson with an emphasis on how much income I could gross if I followed her lead. Surely our desires were the same, no? She could not comprehend. Why the request for an in-depth lesson, the time if it was not going to somehow benefit me personally?

Then I showed her my website and asked “what do you think?” She scrolled, clicked, read a handful of entries from my virtual bookshelf. Her eyes darted across the screen with a look of content on her face. My sister’s mini me, whose diapers I use to change was reveling in being the teacher for the day. “Your opinion matters, tell me what you think Ms. Influencer”. She chuckled and responded “I think I’d want my therapist to be nerdy like you. Reading books and stuff. My God, you listen to people talk - I can’t even listen to myself talk”. We both started laughing. “Plus you played lacrosse so you’re all like a team player and stuff. I like that, I wish I played a team sport but I don’t like to sweat, and I don’t like people”. We shared another hearty laugh. “How come you don’t write about lacrosse Auntie”? I had no answer for her, then asked her if the invitation to write about her (on this forum) was still open from the summer. She consented. “No cap the future is virtual”. We spent the rest of the afternoon watching Syracuse vs. UNC women’s lacrosse on tv.

The major take away for me from the day was her “generational explanation” that anything made public on the internet is up for grabs. “Auntie think of it like your website. You have photo’s from visual artists, music videos, quotes from books. None of that’s yours - it belongs to someone else. Just because you name the artist doesn’t mean everyone else will. Just know it’s all up for grabs”. Did I know - but not allow myself to fully know the ways in which I repurpose art in collage form for the taking?

This poem by Dr. Ralph Roughton sums up the energy that I had present to me after reading Dr. Sianne Ngai’s literary work, Ugly Feelings. Enjoy:

When I ask you to listen to me and you start by giving advice, you have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as it may seem.

Listen! All I ask is that you listen, not talk or do—just hear me.

When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear and inadequacy.

And I can do for myself. I’m not helpless. Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.

But when you accept as simple fact that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince you and get about the business of understanding what’s behind this irrational feeling. And when that’s clear, the answers are obvious and I don’t need advice.

Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what’s behind them.

Perhaps that’s why prayer works, sometimes, for some people—because God is mute, and He or She doesn’t give advice or try to fix things. God just listens and lets you work it out yourself.

So, please listen and just hear me. And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn, and I’ll listen to you.

An Ode to Pillagers of All Creeds

circa 1985

How can it be both cool and incredibly frightening to be Black, Gay and Female

All in spite of being told

That it’s incredibly frightening to be Black, Gay and Female

Do nothing without intention, nothing

PIMP: The Story of My Life

Super Hero vs. Villain

Jedi vs. Sith

Black vs White

Women vs Men

Old vs Young

Poor vs Rich

Gay vs Straight

Introverted vs Extroverted

Cops vs Robbers

Nature vs Nurture

Offense vs Defense

Someone is within, making someone without. Someone is projecting, someone is receiving that projection. This list is endless. What came first, the chicken or the egg in this binary soap opera that’s been playing out since the start of time? Insert the game changers that add to the complexity. Bisexual, biracial, middle class, middle aged, intersex, midfielders, queer, gender non-conforming. The mixture, the in between. Now the binary has a 3rd; there is, was and will always be a 3rd. Nothing is new under the sun.

The couple is never in solitude, the number 2 functions as an illusion. As Jill Scott so infamously bellowed in 2007 while staring into my eyes on a melodramatically gray evening in Manchester England….. 1 is the magic number. The tension between meaning and meaninglessness fuels what I’d like to call “the binary wars”.

I loved re-reading this book. It’s brutal, grim, exciting and different from the academic literary pieces that I tend to lean towards. This intrepid, resourceful, determined man essentially spent a lifetime subjugating women after witnessing his mother reject a “decent” man, for someone who then subjugated her. I wish it were more complex than that, and I'm open to other interpretations. What an epic tragedy, an old school love story. Seriously, the underlying theme to this piece is expressive of the depths and lengths that a hurt child will go to undermine the dreams of their parent, who has quashed their soul. RAGE. Chronic, enduring, self righteous, boiling, gut wrenching RAGE. So how would a clinician work with an Iceberg Slim in their chair? What intervention is going to help map something anew? What modality would be best suited? Is anyone writing about the Iceberg Slim’s outside of the reference point that I stated above?

Before I get to a point of ranting I’ll stop here.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I last had a session in my office on Friday the 13th, March 2020. Packed up 3 of my 4 plants, all the random articles in my one draw got dumped into my Target bag on top of my chargers, and the last grab was my mug. I took the advice of a mentor and scheduled the forwarding of my office mail that evening and have only been back to Court Street twice since then. In different parts of the States, and different places globally this pandemic has looked a certain way. Impacted peoples lives a certain way. Dried up hope and filled emergency rooms in a certain way. And it continues in its existence still. I write this knowing, as much as one can know, that I will not physically be in my office on March 13th 2021.

Just open a window, blah blah blah

Sit at the farthest end of your office, blah blah blah

Wear a mask during the session, blah blah blah

Enthusiastically I decline.

On that note I must say I have switched to the screen in a hyper focused way and so I have been watching a bit more than I’ve been reading.

2 BOOKS I’M TRYING TO FINISH READING

Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good by Adrienne Maree Brown

After Lacan: Clinical Practice and the Subject of the Unconscious by Willy Apollon et al.

4 SHOWS THAT ARE THE REASON I HAVEN’T FINISHED READING THE 2 AFOREMENTIONED BOOKS

Euphoria

The Boys

Undoing

Little Fires Everywhere

This post is ending in the exact space that it started, which sums up the current vibe ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Parable of the Sower

Octaviaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! This is the first non-scholastic book club purchase that I made @ the ripe age of 10, and what a great investment. Her natal chart is just as remarkable as her writing.

Octavia’s prophetic writing brings to mind an exchange I bore witness to, between Meshell Ndegeocello (who also has a remarkable natal chart!) and a woman in the crowd at Le Poisson Rouge, before Meshell performed “Don’t Disturb This Groove” back in 2018:

Woman: Meshell I love you!

Meshell: I love you too

Woman: I’ll love you forever!

Meshell: Easy to say because you’ve never had to live with me

What’s the link? My own identification with both artist on a personal level as it pertains to enjoyment in being with themselves. They enjoy their own company, and from that place of isolation magic erupts.

If I’m stumped on the title of a paper I’ve written, my go-to’s are naming papers after great works of literature as one might name a child after a beloved relative. I’m a fan of paying homage to the greats. Two snaps & a twist, this sci-fi classic is other worldly & so prophetic that there’s a tinge of spookiness in how Octavia envisioned 2024. Read it!

Rubyfruit Jungle

The author, Rita Mae Brown, is the recipient of my favorite introduction. It is so problematic and yet so accurate. Swim in the contradiction:

“Think about it. Once you buy into a definition of yourself that has been made by others, you’re a victim. Victims draw great strength from banding together and declaring a common oppression and a common (always glorious, of course) culture. Perhaps, but you’re still a victim. Let go of your oppressor. Many people cannot and many artists cannot. Whole careers are made by those who fall into disadvantaged categories (and economically and politically, they do). And it’s not just those who are wrathful about their condition, it’s those who become lawyers and self-appointed spokespersons for the rest. You might say that oppression sells. The most revolutionary thing you can do is be yourself, to speak your truth, to open your arms to life, including the pain. Find your passions. …….I wish for you something that enlarges your life, teaches you to respect all life forms, and helps you connect to others.”

*thank you Kara for this visual piece of art