I sat down recently with a few colleagues in Central Park, maneuvering between social distancing and being emotionally intimate with each other. It was quite normal minus aspects of not hugging each other upon greeting, and of course the masks – which were taken off to casually enjoy each other’s food & drink. This was a meeting of the minds. A cluster of mental health professionals from different disciplines, with different degrees & credentials, various ages, various ethnicities, all in full-time private practice. Some palo santo was burned to clear out uninvited energy, and to usher in synergy as we each settled onto our blankets. We spoke directly about the Black Lives Matter movement, working virtually & COVID19 for 5 hours. And not solely in the ways in which friends and family may casually talk about the current sociopolitical and perhaps throw in a historical reference or two; we were debating as clinicians who have motivations towards the world being a better place. It’s comical that the simplicity of a statement such as “make the world a better place” can be subjectively given a different meaning based on the listening ear. My “better place” was verbalized as starkly different from my peers as I spoke of the balance in mourning the reality of current suffering balanced with allowing a person’s self determination to dictate what they do with their life. Gender equity, #blacktranslivesmatter, poverty, racial equity, women’s education, and climate change were among the popular array of topics posed concerning “a better world” from each of us, while I continued to highlight the mourning necessary for any real reconciliation. CBT, DBT, EMDR, Gestalt, psychoanalytic, trauma focused, indigenous conscious, affirmative, somatic, I mean really I could add at least another 5 identifiers concerning the wide spectrum of therapeutic modalities that each of my peers subscribe to as the optimal form of treatment. Black, White, Latinx, Chinese, straight, gay, married with kids, single, non-able bodied, male, female, trans. We rolled up our sleeves and spoke about OUR mental health profession. OUR ideas and aspirations. OUR institutes, recently attended workshops, supervisors, colleagues, alma maters, racist Zoom bombs, Charlestown and sports in the USA. By the end of it kisses were thrown in the air as we said our goodbye’s, with a meeting date set for July. I want to highlight; this was a Sunday Funday therapist picnic without the fun.
So I’m back pedaling now, as I did as I hopped on the westside highway driving back down to Brooklyn, with my fellow Queer identified colleague. I pondered out loud while Pop Smoke rumbled on the radio “maybe that conversation would have went a bit differently if we popped open the Prosecco”. My colleague gave me a stern look. I continued, “do you wanna talk about it?” “Shari I have no faith in anything changing in the United States or globally. I said it then I’ll say it now, it’s too fucked up to do anything about. If our own field can’t tackle this issue why would I expect the country to tackle this issue, or any other industry”. My response to her was simple as the anger vibrating in the car began distracting my 70 miles per hour concentration. “You know this kinda reminds me of Stars Wars. You know what I’m going to say next don’t you” I teased. And as the last word of my sentence trailed out she burst into a laugh and pointed her fake saber at me.
Race has a consistency in its ability to usher in anger, fear, and shame. In my 15 years of discussing diversity and inclusion, (with equity only showing its face as a real point of conversation in the past 5 years) I literally cannot recall an occurrence where one of those feelings were not present in a group setting while race was being discussed. Without jumping into the why I want to solely acknowledge that it typically involves a bit more energy having a conversation with a person who is angry or defensive lol. And so what’s a person to do who wants to engage in conversations about racism without dysregulating themselves or someone else?
I typically state – start with yourself. Literally. How do you feel when you talk to another person about racism, and where do you feel it? (ie anxious, in my shoulders/sad all over/angry in my stomach). What’s your knowledge base about racism as a topic? Take a break and go back to that same conversation with yourself, perhaps a day or 2 later – create some space from it. Do I want to expand my knowledge about racism? What are reliable sources to gain further information? Is there a person in my life that is ‘safe enough’ to have this conversation with? I could continue but any further information would require me to charge my full consulting fee lol.
One of my favorite papers, psychoanalytic paper at that, is from Dr. Kathleen Pogue White in which she stated so confidently:
“Just a short while ago a taxi driver took the time to slow down his cab, lean across to the passenger window, and yell out, ‘Niggas don’t ride in my cab!’ And I was standing on Central Park West, in my high heels and navy-blue corporates, looking fabulous. Malcolm X once said: ‘you know what they call a nigger with a Ph.D.? Nigger!’ This applies as well to a nigger in high heels and corporates”.
As vulgar as those words may be to some, it is the “vulgar” reality to others. A reality that can be desensitized, numbed, dissociated. It can usher in rage, grandiosity, even a level of empowerment towards action. One thing those words do not usher in for me is shock. Racism is real and pervasive in its subtlety as well as in its violent manifestation.
While peacefully protesting with close to 2,500 people down Bedford Avenue in Brooklyn, a good-looking man popped half of his shiny ripped body out of his 4th floor apartment window in Greenpoint. Lots of people were banging their pots, playing instruments, holding up signs as white allies in solidarity as we traversed through Brooklyn as a solid wave of human beings. I walked in the front, eager to echo the voices of the organizers with my Haitian bandana over my face. This man hanging out of his window screamed to the blue skies above, “fuck you faggot monkey loving traitors”. I thought to myself, if I were marching with my cousins we may have had to post bail money that night. If I were walking with my white colleagues perhaps they would have been surprised. If I were walking with my siblings I more than likely would have thrown something at him, perhaps the water bottle in my hand or a hex. I was with strangers who felt like family in that moment as a fellow protestor yelled back “don’t I know you from Scruff?!”. There were no more rants from that man’s window as he cowered back into his apartment.
There are numerous theoretical positions concerning race. I operate from critical race theory infused with the nuance of the here and now. In the next 5 years, possibly quicker if police continue to murder black people (#justiceforbreonnataylor), most businesses and institutes will have to have accessible their stance and action plan towards addressing diversity, inclusion and equity…… which is interesting that as an acronym it spells out DIE lol. I imagine that is what it feels like for people to literally own their role in racism and relinquish certain aspects of power.
Last night I finished reading Stamped: Racism, Antiracism, and You, and this is the shortest interval of time that I’ve completed a text and then gone into sharing my thoughts about the reading. I read, on average, one book and 5 papers a month for enjoyment. The majority of the books are by Black and POC authors, while the majority of the papers are by white authors. This book is an easy read for non-readers and individuals who are not versed concerning racism. I’ll go as far as saying that the first 2 chapters (25 pages) have the most crucial information for anyone who is curious about the origins of anti-black racism in the United States.
How does a person discuss racism with people who are in denial that they are engaging in racist practices and upholding white supremacist ideology? I liken it to the question, how do clinicians work with denial as a defense mechanism? My answer to that is it depends on who you ask and what their primary theoretical perspective is. And there in and of itself exists the problem. So let me usher in more self-disclosure by stating that I view race from the critical race theory perspective. The here and now, and aspects of external reality have to weave into theory; race is a social construct and within that social construct hierarchy must be maintained at all cost. Guess who gets to be on top? American society has been established from the onset to not only privilege white individuals, but to also maintain that level of privilege by any means necessary.
Clinically I enjoy working with denial – it’s “so human” to be in denial about something. Now in my personal and professional life with colleagues and friends, I would much prefer to have conversations with people who are oriented in all spheres lol and aware that I have no intentions of dysregulating them or myself. Through that frame I tend to not attempt to educate a person who is in denial about their privilege or anti-black ideas (that includes Blacks and POC’s as well); I offer resources for the individual to educate themselves. If the interest is there to do so, then we can engage in a meaningful way that does not necessarily have anything to do with me trying to turn them into a Jedi. I exist in the world as a Black individual first and foremost. I have a desire to see other Black people exist. As I have a desire to see women and LGBTQ individuals exist safely in America. I do not feel comfortable with the lack of Black existence in spaces or violence against the Black body, and when race is starkly disproportionate in a space I am consciously aware of wanting to spread my racial identification, and my expression of my Blackness. Those words are my personal manifesto. It does not wipe out any other race, it does not annihilate other identifiers, and it does not include a hierarchy of power. I constantly have to engage in challenging myself as I connect to floating in and out of superiority/inferiority attempting to cascade my ways of expression. If you have the time, money and resources go read Stamped, I highly recommend it as a must read. #happypridemonth #blacklivesmatter
